There was something else underneath the wanting. I wanted what I thought the transformation represented.
Not just thinner. Not just lighter. I wanted to become the avatar of success people already carried in their minds:
Good looking.
Trim.
Confident.
Wealthy.
I wanted to embody the version of a man people instinctively trusted, admired, and believed in.
That may sound superficial until you understand the deeper truth. Image is rarely just image. Often it is shorthand for confidence, authority, vitality, and self-respect. And in my case, it was tied to business. I believe my weight was costing me opportunities — or at the very least making the road steeper than it needed to be.
I knew I was every bit as capable as founders getting attention from major investors. But capability alone doesn't always win. I didn't feel like I looked the part. Internally, it felt like I was competing uphill.
You carry an avatar too. Everyone does.
Somewhere in your head there's a version of you that gets taken seriously — the one who walks in and the room adjusts. And there's nothing wrong with wanting that. Wanting to be trusted isn't vanity. Image is shorthand, and you know exactly what yours is shorthand for.
But here's the question I had to sit with, and I'll hand it to you straight: if you got the avatar tomorrow — the look, the posture, the whole silhouette — what were you hoping it would prove? Say that part out loud. Because that's the actual want, and the avatar is just the costume it wears.
In my case the answer was uncomfortable: I wanted evidence I could trust myself again. No body composition delivers that. It gets built the slow way, decision by decision, and it shows up in your face before it ever shows up in your frame.
You don't need the avatar. You need the thing you were hoping it would prove.
◯ \ Awareness. · Read the next dispatch: what the shortcut was really promising.